


Tree Bros but it's Sing to Me Instead

by Ironically_unironic



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: In case you don't live forever, M/M, My First Fanfic, Okay I'll stop now, Older, Run Away, Share your address, Song - Freeform, Tree Bros, bad habit, ben platt - Freeform, better, ease my mind, grow as we go, honest man, hurt me once, may eventually be on wattpad, new, on AO3, sing to me instead, temporary love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 01:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19096672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironically_unironic/pseuds/Ironically_unironic
Summary: What if the reason he did it was that he never considered what I thought about him... is that he never thought about me?After Connor Murphy's attempted suicide, Evan has to decide why he cares so much about what Connor thinks of him. I mean, yeah, Connor may be Evan's only friend, but friends shouldn't cause their friends to be unable to sleep for a week...





	Tree Bros but it's Sing to Me Instead

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is basically a giant songfic for Ben Platt's album Sing to Me Instead. The songs will be in order and all that schmabang. Enjoy!

You always said that I'd come back to you again  
'Cause everybody needs a friend, it's true

I haven’t talked to Connor since what happened. He had no right to put me through any of this.  
I’ve seen him in the halls. I’ve heard what people are saying.  
“Wish it had worked”  
“Well you know what they say, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”  
I wish I had the power to do something about it. But even if I could, why should I? I mean Connor may deserve just as much as the rest of us, but it’s unfair to all the people that care for him when he makes mistakes like this.  
He’s tried to DM me telling me he’s sorry. I’ve read all his messages but I couldn’t respond. I can tell he’s trying. A normal person wouldn’t get an essay's worth of apology from Connor Murphy.  
“Meet me at À la Mode in an hour,” I reply. If he doesn’t show up, it will be like any other normal Tuesday, and if he does...

Someone to quiet the voices in my head  
Make 'em sing to me instead, it's you

I can’t help but think that maybe I’ll wake up, and this will all be a dream, and I can stop worrying. I’ve pinched myself too many times to count.  
“Maybe the reason he didn’t think about you is that he doesn’t care about you,” something in the back of my head whispers  
“That can’t be true,” I tell myself. But what if it is? What if the reason he did it was he never considered what I thought about him because he never thought about me. 

Hate to say that I love you  
Hate to say that I need you  
Hate to say that I want you  
But I do

I don’t know why I care so much about what Connor thinks of me. Sure, we were friends, but we were never really that close. We didn’t spend that much time together. Sometimes we’d bump into each other at school, I was his bio partner last year. He signed my cast.  
Maybe he doesn’t consider that enough to make me a friend. Maybe he just pities me.  
No, Connor isn’t like that. I would understand if he thought I was weird or even disliked me, but Connor isn’t the pitying type.

Bad habit, I know  
But I'm needin' you right now

"Mom, I need a ride!" I call down the stairs. I hope she can take me to A la Mode. I technically can drive, but I normally have a panic attack thinking about traffic and stuff like that. The furthest I'll drive is school, and I don't even usually drive that far.  
"Sure honey, where are you going?" I can barely hear my mom. She must be working in her room.   
"I'm going to A la Mode like I normally do on Sundays."  
"All by yourself?" Her voice is starting to get clearer, so she must be heading towards my room.  
"I don't know, someone might," I start  
"Oh, honey, who is this new friend?"  
"You wouldn't know him, his name is Connor..." I trail off, hoping that she leaves it be.  
"Connor Murphy? The boy who tried to..." she faltered  
"Yeah, the one who almost ended his own life."  
"Honey are you sure he's the kind of person you want to associate with?"  
"Mom-"  
"It's okay. I'll take you. He probably needs a good friend right about now. Just be careful."

Can you help me out?  
Can I lean on you?

I probably should get ready. I'll probably just wear my typical shirt, but I've been wearing pj's all day. I honestly would have gone in just my pajamas, but a voice in the back of my head told me it was a bad idea.  
When I'm ready, I grab my phone and my wallet, and I get in the car. At this rate, I'm probably going to be half an hour early. I don't mind. At least if someone finds out I'm going to be there, I can leave before I get injured.  
I honestly have no idea whether or not Connor actually will show up. I'd like to think he will but what if he doesn't. I want to figure out a way to make this friendship work.  
As we pull into the A la Mode parking lot, I start to panic. What if this is all a big setup? What if I walk in there and some of Connor's friends start to...  
But then I walk into A la Mode, and Connor is sitting there in a booth. All by himself. He looks exhausted.

Been one of those days  
Sun don't wanna come out

He looks rough.  
His hair is messed up and he looks like he hasn't slept in days. Everything about him screams, "I don't want to think"  
But most of all, he looks disregarded. Like someone who he cared about lost all hope in him. Probably his sister. Connor's resting face naturally looks pretty upset, but now it looks like he's about to start weeping.  
I walk carefully over to his booth.  
"Are you okay?" I blurted  
He looked up at me. He had almost a longing in his eyes, a longing to be comforted. I sat next to him carefully.   
"Please help me," He looked down.

Can you help me out?  
Can I lean on you?

I walk with him to his car. It's old, it's kind of run down. I can tell that it was very used. He gets in the driver's seat. I stand outside awkwardly.  
"Get in"  
Where are we going? I didn't tell my mom I would be going anywhere."  
"Trust me," he pleaded  
And so I did. I walked over to the passenger seat. I could get in so much trouble for this.  
"Evan, do you consider me your friend?  
Now, what I say could make a huge difference. If I say yes, he might laugh at me. If I say no he could be upset. But, honestly, he looked like he needed this.  
"Of course."  
Connor broke down. I never thought I would experience Connor Murphy crying, let alone bawling.  
"Connor..." I asked  
"You wouldn't understand," he cut me off. "Imagine living in a world where your family lost all hope for you, people you thought were your friends are talking behind your back. You lose all hope and you would rather be dead than suffer. But it doesn't work. You look for hope from one person you thought maybe still cared about you, and they don't respond. They finally are willing to talk to you again and you have to do whatever you can because if you don't you risk losing the only one you have left!"  
"Connor, I may have been distant, and I may have not responded, but I will always be there for you," I reassured. "Maybe we should go somewhere. You need to clear your mind."  
He started the car. If Jared were here, he definitely would say that it's not safe to let the "druggie" drive you around. I don't know why, but I feel like I can trust him.

You make me feel like I'm floatin' off the ground  
Above this little town, you do

The scenery out the window is gorgeous. I still have no idea where he is taking me. For all I know, he could be taking me to the sewer.  
"Do you want some music?" Connor asked.  
"I guess..." I reply.  
He's listening to Sam Smith. He really must be sad, because he doesn't strike me as the Sam Smith type. I don't mind though. I went through a Sam Smith phase as well.  
Connor looks really focused, yet distracted. It's hard to describe. It was almost like everything was fine, but something bottled up, almost forgotten, was trying to break through.  
You can see the trees along the side of the road. There were some oak, some dogwood, some pine, and even a few Easter Redbuds, however, most of the flowers were scattered by the roots.  
I could hear Connor humming next to me. It's somehow both relaxing and exhilarating. Something about it just makes me want to roll down the windows and scream into the open fields.

Look at me smile with tears in my eyes  
I love the way you lie, I do

"You okay?" Connor asks.  
"Yeah," I laugh. "I really needed this."  
"Glad I could be of assistance."  
I turned to him. "Connor, you are the one I'm worried about. I care about what you said earlier, and you don't deserve any of that."  
"Do you care about me?"  
"Of course I care about you. You're my friend," I scoffed  
"Well, then I'm perfectly fine."

Hate to say that I'm lonely  
Hate to say that I miss you  
Hate to say that it's dark in here  
But it's true, oh

Connor pulls into my driveway about an hour later. I don't really want to go inside yet though. I want to just sit in Connor's car. I kind of want to just drive around for eternity, listening to music that can barely be heard over the sound of laughter.  
"Don't tell my sister I was driving. I'm technically not allowed to," Connor laughed.  
"You tell me that now?"  
We both laughed.  
I sit around, waiting for Connor to ask me to get out.  
He doesn't  
"I should probably go," I state  
"Yeah. Probably."  
I just continue to sit there. I don't want to leave. Connor watches me. I do have to get out eventually.  
"Okay, okay I'm going," I chuckle

Bad habit, I know  
But I'm needin' you right now

As I get inside, I immediately open my messages with Connor.  
"Hey" I type. After a few seconds of hesitation, I hit send.  
Almost instantly, Connor responds with "I haven't even left your driveway yet."  
I look out the window in my room and sure enough, Connor is sitting there, smiling at his phone.  
"Okay, but ext me as soon as you get home. I don't want you driving into a ditch."  
"Evan, if you wanted to talk to me so bad you should have, we were driving for 2 hours"  
My face feels warm. I don't know why, or what made me think of it but I plopped myself onto my head and started humming some song I had heard in Connor's car and then started messing with my hair.

Can you help me out?  
Can I lean on you?

At school, Connor was finally back. I guess I never really noticed that Connor doesn't have that many real friends. Sure, there are kids who will make small talk with him occasionally, but kids don't spend time with him and make him feel good about himself. I hope that knowing I am his friend will help him feel better about himself. I know he has helped me. Jared had been okay, but it was pretty obvious he didn't actually want to be friends with me. Connor seems like he genuinely wants to be my friend, and I haven't had a friend like this in a long time.  
Conor deserves s much more than he is getting. I hope he understands that what's happening will go away, as long as he opens himself up enough for others to help him. It doesn't have to be fast. He can take as long as he needs.

Been one of those days  
Sun don't wanna come out

Throughout the day, I helped Connor avoid the drama. There were kids that said stuff behind Connor's back, people that said things to Connor's face. I did what I could. Connor hasn't helped me gain quite enough confidence to help me strike back. Nothing has ever given me enough confidence for that in my whole life.  
I helped Connor meet some people he could trust, like Alana, who was one of the kindest people I had ever met. Connor needs someone like that.

Can you help me out?  
Can I lean on you?

As I ride home with Connor and Zoe, I realize how much more Connor deserves than what he's getting. He deserves someone telling him every day that he's doing wonderful. and is getting better. He deserves someone that will take time out of their life to support him. He deserves someone he knows he can turn to no matter what, through thick and thin, in the morning and at night. If I need to be that for him, I will be.

Hate to say that I love you  
Hate to say that I need you  
Hate to say that I want you  
But I do

As I walked into my house, the voice in my head told me to look back at Connor. As I look back, he waves and smiles. And that's when I realize.  
Shit.  
I'm in love with Connor Murphy.

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided not to do the whole song because there was so much drawing on in the end. I probably won't update for a while considering this took about a month (writer's block)
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr at fork-that-shirt. There's not a lot of tree bros right now but I should dig myself out of my Tyrus hole soon.


End file.
